Jakarta Expat Monopoly

Mata Pribadi is thrilled to bring you a unique Investment Opportunity which it would entirely carry itself if only the Google Royalty check was not so late arriving every month.

Yes, this sort of opportunity is not going to be available every day, it is a sure fire winner and could make you rich even quicker than winning Mata Pribadi’s Fill in the Bubble Competition every month

At $1,000 a percentage point at basement terms, returns are forcast to be in the region of 50% in the first 3 months alone and are expected to continue at around 12.5% per month thereafter. Compare that with the yield on your miserable US Treasury bonds – and payment will be made to any bank account nominated by you anywhere in the world – and free of withholding tax!

The initial investment will cover taking the sensational new board game, Jakarta Expat Monopoly, from concept to final design, provide working capital, and manufacture of the first 10,000 units. The licensing of the Monopoly ™  trademark and an attractively low royalty rate has already been secured.

The basics of the game will be already be familiar to many if not all our readers, however, there are many special realistic touches which we believe will make it enormously popular with its target demographic.

Those special realistic touches include:

All your favourite activities and interests covered

Mainline stations changed to bus stations due to lack of the former

“Free Parking” has been removed entirely as being a ludicrous concept – and replaced with an extra Jail which we consider far more appropriate. Receiving a tax refund has been  excluded on the same grounds

As well as doubling rents when you own an entire asset class, the rules recognise a number of clear synergies, for example if you own the Bali Villa AND a budget airline then you may quadruple  rents on both, while the same applies if you own both all the bars in Kemang AND in Blok M

Ownership of ALL golf courses allows you to raise green fees to Bali levels and charge the same midweek as at weekends; except for Tee Set on both counts as it is a special case of course.

Community Chest has been rewritten entirely to reflect local conditions eg

The “Get out of Jail Free” card has been replaced with a rather more realistic “Get out of Jail for Rp100m” card. Pricey, but is does include a free airline ticket to Singapore and a doctor’s sworn and notarised statement that you have “extreme forgetfulness”.

Utilities are a particular concern, treasure and keep the “Electricity Supply Guarantee” card should you be lucky enough to pick it up, especially if you have or are considering developing hotels on any of your properties.

Likewise the “Presidential Decree” card is an excellent card to pick up, but is best kept up your sleeve until you have lots of assets and the need is dire; it can mitigate or even cancel any other card.

Chance has  likewise been completely rewritten to reflect local circumstances and risks and includes:

Falling asleep in a taxi on the way home from Blok M, late at night

Bribing a KPK official when you thought he was the guy issuing Work Permits

Overstaying your visa

Your RT liking you

Falling in love with a very attractive “Waria”

Drinking locally produced “Jim Beam

Investing in a bar with a local owner

While Oil and Gas assets offer extremely attractive “rents”, they can also take your every last dime, Chance includes a number of very severe cards regarding tax treatment, cost recovery audits and indeed the vagaries of geological uncertainty. International arbitration is specifically excluded.

A special “Fauzi Bear” card is introduced which leads to the confiscation without compensation of all Jakarta based real properties so that “National Assets”, such as more Malls, 7/11s and Jalan Tol , can be developed for the greater good of the city and the Nation.

Large bribes, both given and taken, are a feature of the entire board game; especially in relation to the game’s Banker. Unlike in the original board game, being the banker is a potentially lucrative position for which players bid beforehand and settle with American Express Travellers checks. Just like a Deputy Governorship of Bank Indonesia in fact.

Contact us at the usual address when, subject to the usual status and wealth check, we will let you have the full prospectus including the five year financial forecasts prior to your investing.

Best of luck! …. ED

PS The promise of a large Johnny Walker Black label next time you see the Editor secures you a JPEG of the whole board!!

This entry was posted in Business, Corruption, December 2011, Expat Foibles. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Jakarta Expat Monopoly

  1. Kevin says:

    Ok so what’s the current status. This is exactly what I’m looking for!. I do agree the second jail should be made into a hospital for all sorts of ailments from VD to getting into an accident will riding an Ojek.

    • Rejini says:

      Mmm. Tough, certainly .. but I wodlun’t award it ripper status. Several dodgy clues, I thought. I found the top left particularly tough. My last four solved were 10A, 4D, 9A, and last of all 2D. Won’t give anything away yet. 21A was a really good clue, I thought. I have one discombobulation so I’ll post it in that section.

  2. haggissimo says:

    Pure Genius !

    When the Aiberdeen, Scouse and Pattaya roll-outs are ready I´m in.

  3. Simsy says:

    Special treatment for STD’s is available through the Prime Minister’s office in Pretoria, South Africa. There is a very special shower, and Lifebouy soap-on-a-rope.

    • Mata Pribadi says:

      Simsy, Life Boys were also popular with the aforementioned Ordained Ministers of the Church of England. I am sure that soap was involved too from memory; quite a coincidence.

  4. Tekkie Boy says:

    I’m in line! … do you have an iPad version in the works?

    • Mata Pribadi says:

      Indeed we have a rough draft of JEM for tablets and it is currently out for bidding with a number of Bangalore contractors. First in line will be the version for Android in fact – even though it is a pain in the ass to configure for all the different screen sizes, Android is great stuff but its design team deserve to be publicly buggered for failing to make it handle different screen natively, leaving it instead to every blood App developer!!

      Android based tablets are bigger sellers in Jakarta than the iPad – and Jakarta is where we expect our market to be so we have to follow our customers, however, don’t despair as we expect to have the iPad version out on 1st April.

      PS thanks for the question, in appreciation we have sent you a JPEG of the Jakarta Expat Monopoly board to print out .. it looks great on the office wall!!

      • Genefer says:

        When you have replied after 7 years, how do you expcet the reply immediately.Be Patient. Just wait for 7 more years to receive the reply.I use it every day.

  5. Jakartass says:

    I’d like a Get Into Jail option.
    It’s one of the few places I’ve heard of where I can get my daily fix.

    • Mata Pribadi says:

      Mata Pribadi also understands that the Indovision reception is excellent and that the food and booze is top drawer though, of course, has to be paid for at rather premium rates ….

  6. Semanggi Guy says:

    Do you accept travelers checks?

  7. rima fauzi says:

    I’m in. Don’t forget the occasional doctor’s trip for some kind of VD. that can be used in addition to the jail card.

    • Mata Pribadi says:

      Rima, welcome as our first shareholder!!

      It is commonly believed where I come from that the only people who can catch social diseases from a toilet seat are Ordained Ministers of the Church of England. If you have some dodgy evidence that members of the DPR are similarly blessed then we would LOVE to hear from you!!

      PS Even as we speak, a JPEG of the entire Jakarta Expat Monopoly Board is winging its way to you!!

    • Dulce says:

      by leading pssgholociyt, doctors, artist, and meditation teachers on how to practice mindfulness and meditation to reduce stress and live in the moment. I need this book big time!I am also reading the A Feast for Crows (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 4) by George R.R. Martin. Have you heard of Game of Thrones? This is the 3rd book after that one. Total escapism. When I am reading it I am totally in the moment. haha.I read the Tracy Hogg books too. Totally saved my life!

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