NtJP in final curtain Shock!!

If you have come here looking for the usual Friday Roundup then we have bad news.

After just 60 days in existence, the NottheJakartaPost is closing its doors and the staff are all moving on to pastures new.

A number of you have become rather fond of the NtJP  “family” and what they have produced and have been kind enough to tell us, thanks for that, it kept us going through the dark days!!

It is, they used to tell your Editor, though he seldom saw it in reality, good practice to review outcome against what was originally planned, and learn.

With a healthy Johnnie Walker Black Label and ice in hand, let me do just that, first of all by listing what the Editor originally had in mind as objectives, even though these are at significant variance with those published on the About Us  and FUQ pages.

Original Objectives 

  1. Exercise the Editor’s brain, not least because it was showing signs of healing over after 1 year of retirement,
  2. Give him a chance to express some creativity after 35 years locked up in one of the world’s largest bureaucracies,
  3. Have some fun himself, and
  4. Entertain and amuse others

We think we can truthfully say that all objectives have been met, most especially #3 and  hence the decision now to quit while we are ahead (for full-time golf – ED) and give those who corrupt, lie and steal and indeed those who choose to go nowhere without their Greek silver bracelet, and their ilk, a break. To those of you worried about the staff and a number of the characters you have come to love, I can share with you what happens to them;

Mas Budi marries Mbak Dewi, they have three gorgeous little girls and a boy to die for and they live happily  ever after in a small but pretty town house in Tebet.

Our Blok M stringer gets a one year contract with the Jakarta Globe to do exactly what he enjoyed doing for us, but for 50% more money.

Alex McLeish’s boat comes in with his appointment as Indonesian main distributor, for TaylorMade ™ receiving an advance large enough to allow him to get out of the jail in which we left him languishing and pay off all the Blok M bars to whom he was in significant debt.

Dewi Rahman, after a Facebook campaign “Pennies for Dewi’s Penis” launched by the “Lesbian, Gay and people who wake up in the morning not being quite sure” pressure group, finally gets the “cruelest cut of all” in Singapore and has now been officially registered by the FAB Pool League as a female player in time for the February 2012 start of season.

Former British Ambassador to Indonesia, Martin Alan Gobfull gets a knighthood in the 2012 Honours List for services to Diversity and Multiculturalism.

The Jakarta Inter League goes back to being what it really is, a bastion of privilege, what the Aussies term mate-hood and not a little healthy competition. And Tee Set wins the next league.

The Hashers and pool players of Jakarta moved on happily to a future untainted by DENSUS 88 raids and transvestites. Everest Bastards win the 2012 FAB League.

On a vaguely serious closing note, we hope that our short existence showed you, if nothing else, the dangers of uncritical reading of the media. Just because it’s got a witty by-line, typed nicely and got pretty pictures does NOT mean it’s true, far from it.

There are veritable legions of people out there making a very decent living making up shit for you to swallow that will advantage them, their employers or their own special interest group. Look cynically at everything, and follow the money!!

Thanks for your time, and apologies once again for the intrusion – ED

PS to the kind gentleman who subscribed to NtJP from West Java via the excellent WordPress only this morning, humble apologies.

PPS should you wish to take a trip down memory lane at any time then Mas Budi, as his last task is preparing a list of the 30 most popular stories, sorted on “popularity” defined for these purposes as number of page hits. The Editor will help further by marking what were truly the best or at least those for which we had tears in our eyes even as we wrote them.

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About Not the Jakarta Post

Seeker after untruths, generally finding 'em
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12 Responses to NtJP in final curtain Shock!!

  1. Jakartass says:

    Dea Editor.

    You say: “Truth is a valid defence to the charge of libel even in Indonesia.”

    Ah, if only that were true!

    I’ve sent you a link ‘proving’ this in a separate email.

    Yours truly.

    J

  2. Jakartass says:

    “Jakartass might also help …[it} has rather greater reliance on the truth as a means of expression than is sensible in our view.”

    Sir, that is somewhat libellous. What is the truth?

    Can I sue you. please?

    • Dear Jakartass, we reply as legal advisers to NtJP and indeed its Editor in the absence of the latter, presumably on a golf course.

      We would advise that you would be wasting your money by pursuing either for libel on the following grounds.

      1. Truth is a valid defence to the charge of libel even in Indonesia
      2. Fair comment is not grounds for libel either
      3. They are both penniless by almost any definition

      Kind regards,

      Menggugat, Merebut dan Lari

  3. Ric Wymer says:

    Closure of the NTJP is indeed a pity however no need to stop any of your quoted objectives. Just add weekly arm wrestling and psychology to your list and then you’ll be suitably qualified to run a local golf society? I can even nominate one that I know is looking for a new dictator.

    • Dear Tuan Whynotme, glad to confirm that my psychological analysis techniques are admirably polished through an extensive multi-semester course in same at the School of Hard Knocks at The University of Life.

      Arm wrestling is more of a challenge, however, the driver keeps a baseball bat in the boot of the car and I wonder if that would suffice?.

      Just as soon as I get my handicap down to 10 I shall be putting in my application … Yours aye, ED

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the entertaining updates on Jakarta. Something I had forgotten since departing the city that never sleeps some 3 years back. I must return one day. Good luck NtJP team with your futures.

    • Oops, I guess we picked up your e-mail from an old Tee Set or Pool list. Anyway, glad you enjoyed returning to the best city in the world, even if only in a virtual way.

      The reality is just as good as ever and with the Jagorawi Tol now 4 lanes, the golf better than ever. Come back real soon y’hear!!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Not even suitable chemicals could keep this August organ standing

    • Anonymous says:

      It has saddened me to learn that after a very short time NTJP has decided to call it quits. While sitting in a lonely chair working nights listening to the sqeaks and motors of a deep hole drilling rig, the one thing that I could count on coming from the country I once lived and where I had met so many in such a short period of time.
      And like thousands of other readers felt, was the only news worth reading that kept me posted in the true current events from the land I once knew, and give me a laugh to look forward to on those hot, steamy lonely nights.
      And now they are quitting. “Gidalong little doggie” sniff….. But the good thing is, I have an original copy of the first and last edition. And I know they will be worth a lot of money someday…..

      • Anon, many thanks for that.

        Our contact line to our readers was seldom more than knowledge of their e-mail addresses, carefully stolen purloined from a wide range of sources and meticulously maintained after the initial cull by Mbak Dewi.

        How much more interesting to hear of a driller in the steamy jungle finding solace in our output as he works a long night shift many miles away from home.

        Our perception of NtJP’s readership profile was more prosaic of course, undoubtedly conditioned by the Editor’s prior life as a minor oil company functionary in the city and indeed his knowledge of what lay behind a relatively small number of those e-mail addresses.

        For no other reason than we would like to know, if any other readers based outside of the Big Durian would care to share their background, anonymously of course, then the Editor for one would be delighted to hear from you.

        Anon, to help to at least partially fill the hole in your life left by the demise of the NtJP, I would suggest taking out a subscription to Pattaya Days, a gentle and amusingly observed daily reflection on life there. Closer to Jakarta, the less gentle and rather more serious series of observations of Jakartass might also help. Both are on our Blogroll and each has rather greater reliance on the truth as a means of expression than is sensible in our view, but it takes all sorts.

        Once again thanks for your comment and its fascinating insight ….. ED

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